Ok, got three whole comments saying they’d be interested in more about my job as a houseparent (!), so here it is.
The group home was one of four run by a private nonprofit organization, one for boys and three for girls. A maximum of six kids per house, all teenagers. They only took in kids who were wards of the court, either because they had been removed from their parent(s), usually the mother, for neglect or abuse, or for delinquency of the milder sort. I.e., runaways, skipping school, perhaps shoplifting. California has specific laws that define these categories; I think 600 for the first, 601 for the second, and 602 for more serious offenses. We didn’t take in kids under the 602 designation.
What made it a good job for me was the quality of the people there. There was a head houseparent, Wylene, and a social worker, Judy, and they were both excellent. Wylene was very organized and kept us all organized, and she had mastered the art of tough love with the kids. Judy met with each of the kids n a regular basis; it may have been as often as once/week, with extra sessions when one of them was in crisis. Judy was a master at acceptance and warmth and love. It was fascinating to see how the kids needed and benefited from both, and to see how they interacted and worked together.
They also had been very successful at hiring good houseparents. I was probably the weakest of the lot, being as young and inexperienced as I was. I only got to know the other two who worked at my house very well, but there were occasions when all the houses got together for an event of some kind. The only one I remember very well was a week camping up in the mountains somewhere. Talk about Wylene’s organizational skills! And I remember her applying some of her tough love to me, though I don’t remember details. I do remember there was a lot of work involved, and that I acquired a dog. He had been hanging around at the CG as a stray most of the summer, and the kids named him Cochise. My girls wanted to adopt him, but Wylene forbade them. They persuaded me to smuggle him home in the back of my van, which we were using to carry most of the camping gear (tents, sleeping bags, etc.). It wasn’t hard to persuade me, though I was scared Wylene would find out and I’d get fired or some such. In the event, when she saw Cochise at a rest stop, she didn’t yell at all, and was mollified when I told her I was keeping him. She told me later that she figured something was going on, and thought there was something to be gained from the kids thinking they were getting away with something.
I have memories of several of the other girls. I liked them all, and may have even been helpful to some of them. I was still at the stage of development as a teacher where I didn’t know why anyone would do anything just because I told them to, and seeing them obey, often enough but not always, as well as seeing how they responded to Wylene and Judy, aided my development a lot.
When I left that job for another, the girls and I had a goodbye party. I gave each of them an imaginary gift, in writing, an idea I had read about. It turned out to be even better than I had hoped. I think I encouraged the girls to pitch in with their own gifts as well. Again , after 50+ years details are gone, but several of us were in tears by the end.
So, that’s about it. I’ll leave you with a couple of my bigger takeaways from my time there: 1) specific people make a HUGE difference to the success of any job, whether teaching or being a houseparent, and 2) caring matters. Oh, one more: communication is important. Both Wylene and Judy would respond to a phone call 24/7, and the hand-off time between houseparents was critical.
That does sound rewarding and full of opportunities for personal growth. I hope many of those teenagers grew into successful and happy adults. A friend of mine worked in Naselle, WA at a youth camp but I think it was more of a detention center. Not so many heartwarming stories.
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I always had a bit of an affinity for the more misfit kids. I don’t know how much I ever helped them, past offering them an adult who listened to them and offered them some understanding they may not have gotten from most others. At my best I considered myself a B-or B teacher. Ironically, I think I was a better teacher of teachers than teacher of kids. From reading your blog for Lo! these many years now, I think you probably were an A to A+ teacher.
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My friend was a social worker so she eventually worked for the DSHS. Also depressing. I would say that as I evolved as a teacher, I got close to a B or B+. But I could always do better!
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Dog’s name?
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Cochise. The girls named him. He was a great dog.
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Thanks for taking the time to flesh this out. After a few seconds of research, I see that houseparenting is indeed still a thing these days; it strikes me as a noble endeavor and, as with teaching, a quick way to learn a lot about human nature. I’m glad you found it fulfilling, and I think I understand how that period of your life could be seen as foundational for things that came after. I hope you have photos and/or other mementos to keep that era close to you.
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Lots of memories, of course, and once one begins thinking of them more and more surface. Cochise, for instance—I have lots of stories about him.
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That was great! Really enjoyed it.
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